Who would have known that the ancient Greek Gods invented football?

Once upon a time, on the grassy main lands of Olympus, the gods had just finished eating their daily meal of pork and bud light. They had pork every day, except on Monday, where they had the Taco Bell 1$ special. Every day, except on Monday, the gods threw out the pigskin from the pork. And every day, Athena was disgusted. She thought that the gods were wasting valuable material. She wanted to find a way to put the pigskin to good use. She asked Hermes, her brother for help. They thought for 72 days and 72 nights, without eating, drinking, sleeping or bathing. On the night of the 72nd day, Hermes had an idea. The pigskin would be used to make footballs-oval shaped balls with laces.

For another 40 days and 40 nights, without eating, drinking, sleeping or bathing, they thought about what to do with the football. This time, Athena had an idea. She thought that there would be two “goals,” called end-zones. There would be teams of eleven, and each team would have a player throwing the ball, and other players trying to catch it and bring it to the end-zone.

Athena and Hermes proposed their idea to the other 10 Olympians. There then was a vote. It was unanimous, all the Olympians wanted to play football.

From then on, after the Olympians’ daily meal of pork and bud light, they had a 6 on 6 game of football. Every year, during the month of February, there was a pro bowl (sort of like an all-star game). It was a 3 on 3, with only the beast Olympians. Demeter wasn’t in the pro bowl because she couldn’t catch a ball for her immortal life. Dionysus, Apollo, and Artemis weren’t in the pro bowl because at that time of the year, they were on earth looking for followers. Ares wasn’t in the pro bowl because if he lost, he would throw a huge temper tantrum.

From then on, no pigskins were wasted, instead, they were made into footballs. This is believed to be the origin of the saying: “you wanna toss the ol’ pigskin around?”