Hannah waited for her friends outside a big old house on spooky street. The windows were broken and there were over grown brambles in the garden. Hannah had been waiting for half an hour when it started to rain the old house was close by the spooky street; the house looked like a good place to shedter. Hannah went inside the old house Hannah looked at the art gallery. The art gallery was big they were lots of paintings. The eyes in the pictures were boring. They were watching her Hannah feel scared. Hannah heard the butler footsteps. The butler walked passed the art gallery and spotted a cup on the table and picked it up. He spotted Hannah’s feet hiding behind the curtain. Hannah crouched down in a ball behind the curtain. Suddenly there was thunder and lightening this made Hannah jump, the butler pulled back the curtain.
The butler was a tall man, he was old his face was wrinkly his teeth was rotton Hannah was frightened of him. The butler asked what are you doing in here?
“I was hiding from my friends we were playing hide and seek when it started to rain I came here to shelter.”
"This is not a good place to shelter, the is old lady in this house who doesn’t like children much. She turns them into stone”
Hannah was worried “What about my school friends”
“I think we’d better find them quickly”
They looked high and low and in every room down stairs quietly to not wake the old lady. They were running out of time, the old lady will be coming down for tea she will be furious if she finds the children. They heard a scream it was Katie.
” The scream sounds like it’s coming from the hall let’s go" said the butler.
Hannah found her friends Katie and Aneurin, they had been turned into stone already by the old lady Hannah felt scared and mad. Hannah said to the butler
“why didn’t you warn them?” but the butler vanished into a puff of smoke. Hannah ran out of the spooky house screaming never to return again.
We liked your description of the butler character because he was quite spooky and ghostly.
Could you describe the old lady character better? More description in the resolution would make the story a lot better.