One day in Northern Ireland, there lived a giant called Finn MacCool. He had a rival in Scotland called Benandonner, known as the Red Man. One day Finn demanded a fight and he built a pathway from Northern Ireland to Scotland.
As Benandonner came closer he was much bigger than Finn had expected, so Finn scuffled home. Finn told his wife about the Giant and then hid. Benandonner stomped to the door and it looked like he was going to tear of its hinges but he actually rung the doorbell. Finn's wife was there and said "Hello, Hello, Hello", and threw punches. Benandonner said "Puny person" and he punched her out of the way.
Benandonner found Finn in the cupboard with biscuits and crisps. Finn had an idea. He asked the giant "do you want some tea?". Benandonner was confused, so Finn said, "I said do you want a bite? - not a fight!". Benandonner looked at the table for a minute whilst Finn got a knife and stabbed him. That was the end of Benandonner.