Hi, Agent Flipper here. Sorry, I can't tell you my real name because, of course, I am an agent. I thought you would like to hear how my latest mission went. I can tell you that I survived because, if I didn't, then I wouldn't be here, would I? Oh, well, enough dumbness from me...over to the mission.
I was sleeping in my cosy little bed at home when my spy phone rang. Reluctantly, I picked it up and held it to my ear. 'Hello?'
'It's three in the morning, what do you want?'
'Report to HQ as quickly as possible. We have a mission for you.'
'What, now? Are you insane? I'm in bed!'
Bleep. The phone went dead. So I heaved my heavy bones out of bed and shoved my jeans and T-shirt on. Grabbing some toast leftover from yesterday, I squeezed through the front door and jumped on my bike. I swerved in and out of alleyways, trying to find the quickest route, munching toast with marmalade while I went along. I was just wiping the last of the crumbs off of my chin when I turned into St Heidi's School. I threw my bike against the hedge and rushed through the doors. I turned left into the elevator, which plunged down to the basement.
'What took you so long, Flipper?'
'BB, just tell me-what is this mission?'
'Ah yes, to the point.' BB stepped aside to reveal a flipchart with bold lettering reading: ESCAPE FROM THE HOTEL-Agent Flipper
'There is a gold-plated clock hidden in a safe that has been stolen from the Priceless Antique shop in London. Your job is to find it and bring it back.'
'Do you know where this safe is, exactly?'
'It is in a hotel called the Old Tabloid. You must get to the fifth floor and into the conference room, which is where the safe is. All without being seen, obviously.'
'I'm ready, BB.' I said, not sure if I was or not.
'Well then, you may go. Good luck!'
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I left the bike behind the double bass shop in an alleyway, out of sight. I walked casually past the lollipop lady, and she looked at me bitterly, almost glaring at me. Unfortunately, my laces came undone and I made an unintended dramatic exit. Drat.
I was watching the hotel from under a bush in the park when I saw the gardener walking sneakily into the hotel. Hmmm. The bricks were worn and strangled by ivy that twisted round the whole hotel. I slunk slowly from the bush, and stepped inside the empty reception room...
This operation was brewing steadily in my head. I would walk slyly up the five flights of stairs-then once at the top, slip round to the emerald luxury suite,and into the conference room. Finally, I would use my lockpicker to pick the lock and find the clock. Easy!
Or so I thought. The plan worked like clockwork until I saw the house-keeper in the luxury suite. I threw a stinkbomb onto the stylish carpet. It cracked satisfyingly and let off a foul gas, causing the house-keeper to faint backwards onto the bed. Holding my nose, I crept past her into the conference room. There it was...the safe...sparkling jubilantly in the darkness of the dull room. I produced the lockpicker from my bag and got to work. It was going so well until I was dragged back into the luxury suite by strong arms and locked in the cupboard next to the bed. I would have perished in there, if it wasn't for the lockpicker. I picked the lock and clambered out, checking that no one was there. Once again I tried to open the safe. It clicked. It whirred. It clunked and you could hear the cogs inside it, turning, turning... The door swung wide open and I seized the small package at the bottom of the safe. I slipped it in my bag and sneaked out of the conference room.
I got away easily, sliding down bannisters, cartwheeling down corridors, and hurtling past receptionists. Eventually, I found myself in the park, with the gardener's back to me. He was holding a small square package, identical to mine. I pulled the box out of my bag and opened it to find...a rock! My instinct was to grab the clock and go. So I followed my instinct! As I was running desperately towards the double bass shop, pursued by the gardener, my laces came undone again! I couldn't believe my luck as I collapsed into a puddle. Luckily, I'd had a head-start so I picked myself up and disappeared behind the shops to the safety of the alleyways.
'How'd it go, Flipper?'
'Quite well, actually, BB. A few mishaps and unexpected sinister surprises, but pretty good really.'
'Anything to tell trainee spies?'
'ALWAYS TIE YOUR LACES UP!!!'